She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
