The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
well you can't waste a boner
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
