??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
