How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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