well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
