p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
