That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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