...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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