Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
