lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
