so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
