I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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