farters have to be the big spoon...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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