I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
