Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
