Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
