she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
what day is it and did you see me today?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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