I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
