Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
