hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
