Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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