Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
