Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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