Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
