Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
