what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
