He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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