If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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