Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
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