The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
