You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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