the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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