I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
