she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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