apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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