When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
