Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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