thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
