found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
