I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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