Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
