you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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