I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
