okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
my being single is dangerous.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
