haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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