I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
false alarm. still invincible.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
