I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
