I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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