Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
