when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
