I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Randomize
