I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
