It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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